Quoth the Repairmen

I survived the Weekend of Double Repairs to the tune of about $500.

I don't mean to be all emo about this, but I'm heartbroken and bereft. In fact, I'm like, "Debt, take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

And Debt is all like, "Nevermore."

When I haven't been talking to Allegorical Figures these past few days, I've been talking to repairpeople. Here is a sampling from two of those discussions.

Repair Discussion #1: The Plumber

Plumber (standing toe-deep in brackish water in my basement): The good news is your heater worked exactly as it should.
Me: Uh-huh.
Plumber: There must have been a surge sometime on Thursday--maybe work being done on the street--and when the pressure got to be too much, the valve release blew--just as it should--thereby preventing the tank from becoming a dangerous projectile filled with boiling water erupting through your basement ceiling and possibly killing or maiming someone in your household.
Me: Okay.
Plumber: The bad news is that once the valve does exactly what it should, it's no good and the whole thing has to be replaced.
Me: Ah.
Plumber: Kind of like a bike helmet.
Me: Or Jimmy Carter.
Plumber: The good news is the part is under warranty.
Me: But the labor is not.
Plumber: That'll be $150.

Repair Discussion #2: Volkswagen Tom 

Tom: Your car is looking good.
Me: Okay.
Tom: Let me ask you this. Do you park outside?
Me: Yeah.
Tom: Okay, you know the gearshift problem you developed?
Me: Yeah.
Tom: It seems some animal was storing bones in your engine.
Me: (dead silence)
Tom: We found two spare rib bones up there.
Me: I see.
Tom: And there was your problem.
Me: You deboned my engine.
Tom: Yes. Your engine is now boneless.
Me: Thank you.
Tom: It's what we do.

[This post makes homage to Fish Don't Sleep, home of the best Conversations With posts this side of the bandwidth.]